Mr. Nice Guy
What does it look like to be a nice guy?
Nice guys believe that if they are good, and do everything right, they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem free life. They attempt to be good, typically by trying to eliminate or hide certain things about themselves, such as mistakes, needs or emotions, and become what they believe others want them to be (generous, helpful, peaceful, etc.,)
Nice guys are happiest when they are making others happy. They avoid conflict at all costs, they will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting others. Generally, they are peaceful and generous.
Nice guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different than those “other guys!” You know, the guys that are selfish and self centered.
Nice guys behaviors and characteristics: Love to care take, are givers, fix problems, they keep the peace, avoid conflict, believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes, seek approval from others, seek the right way to do things, repress their feelings, try to be different than their fathers, often more comfortable relating to women than men, have difficulty making their needs a priority, often make their partner their emotional center.
Truth about what being a nice guy really looks like. In reality, Nice Guys are not nice at all!
They are dishonest, secretive, compartmentalized, manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive, full of rage, hide addictive and compulsive tendencies and actions, have difficulty holding and setting boundaries, frequently isolate, are attracted to people who need fixing only to figure out down the road that they need just as much fixing, frequently have problems with intimate relationships.
Nice Guys put tremendous emphasis on their intimate relationships. These often turn out to be a significant source of struggle and frustration. Some examples of why this is the case are:
Nice Guys are terrible listeners
Nice guys fear of conflict often leads them to be dishonest and unavailable to work through the problem.
Nice Guys pick partners that are “Diamonds in the Rough” with significant issues. Latter nice guys then blame their partner for standing in the way of their happiness.
Nice guys have issues with sexuality. They are dissatisfied with their sex life, have some type of sexual disfunction, or sexually act out in some way such as affairs, prostitution, pornography, compulsive masturbation, etc...
Nice Guys are generally only relatively successful. Due to a combination of Nice Guy characteristics, they limit their own success.
Nice Guys have been described as being like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, swinging from nice to not so nice.
